Blog Post #3: Breaking the Birthfather Stereotype (Option 1)

In all of the stories that we read from the birthfather’s perspectives, from Jim Shinn, David Mendoza, and Stephen Gonzalez, there were universal reactions when they found out that their girlfriend was pregnant. They were all scared and unsure of what role they were allowed to play in the lives of the mother and their child. The keyword there is allowed because it shows that they really did not have any rights regarding their status as a father and many of the people in their lives would not acknowledge that they were indeed fathers, even if they did not raise their child.

Pertman shares that the stereotype at the time depicted birth fathers in one of two unappealing ways, “They’re these terrible men who are either going out the door or are in some way interfering with the adoption” (152). None of the men whose stories we read fit in either of these categories.  All of these men wanted to do what was best for their child and for the mother of their child. The decision that was made was not one that was easy for them to decide (not that they had much of a say) and they suffered side effects for years because of that decision of adoption.

Steve’s situation was slightly different than these three other men. He was not in a relationship with the mother of his child; in fact it was a one night stand and they had little communication before or after. Like some of the other men, he didn’t know about the pregnancy until months later. However, once he found out he did take responsibility. He knew that he couldn’t be a parent at that time in his life and he knew that it was best for everyone to go through with an adoption. Steve neither ran away nor got in the way of the adoption; going against the stereotype.

I found it very interesting to hear his story as a birthfather. Rarely are the stories and experiences of the birthfathers made public, especially those birthfathers from the 1960s and 1970s. During a time that these men had no rights whatsoever, the fact that Steve accepted that and took what responsibility he could really impressed me. Even thirty years later when changes have come with regards to adoptions and birthparents, he had very few rights legally and if Jen hadn’t searched for him, he may never have met her. From what I could see, both Steve and Jen benefited from meeting each other. They both learned a little bit more about themselves and Steve was able to fill that gap that took him thirty years to realize was missing.

Lindsey E.