Blog Post #5: Option A

The best arguments I’ve heard in favor of open adoptions come from Adam Pertman’s book. One of the things he discusses is that the birth mothers want the chance to know that the child they gave up to give them a better life actually does have a better life and is happy. From this argument I can understand how some people may view this as only benefiting the birthparent(s) and not having a benefit on the child at all but I don’t believe that is true. The majority of the speakers in class expressed at least some interest in their biological family history and genetics and this curiosity is something that Pertman brings up as well. He states that, “Nearly all adults who grew up knowing they were adopted will now tell you that they were curious about their backgrounds, a little or a lot, occasionally or constantly” (59). The unknowns and curiosity can be dealt with more easily if there is an ongoing relationship between the child, the adoptive parents and the biological parents. Having at least some sort of relationship can help those involve deal with the unanswered questions and curiosities that children from closed adoptions do not have the opportunity to experience.

Other evidence in favor of open adoptions that I found very interesting is from Pertman’s book as well. He discusses how adolescents who have contact or a relationship with their biological parent are more satisfied than those who know nothing about where they came from. He also discusses how in many cases, the adoptive parents find themselves reaching out to the biological parents more than they had expected. It makes sense that they would form a pretty unique bond over their child (p. 62).

I believe that all persons should have the right to find out about their history and where they came from. There are some people, like Mary, who may have no interest in finding out but there are many people like Linda who want to know but do not have that right. And as much as I believe that everyone should be able to find out about their family or know that the child they gave up for adoption is happy, there should be some limitations on the extent that the adoption is open. Because each adoption and situation is different, how open the adoption is and what the relationship is like between those involved should be decided and agreed upon by all parties. They should all have the right to limit the relationship. It was interesting to hear Mary’s story because it was different than anything I had heard. She had no interest in meeting her birthmother and after meeting her and forming a relationship, it is one that frustrates her because of the large amount of emotional work she must do in the relationship. She should have the right to limit the relationship without having to worry about hurting her biological mother’s feelings. I can understand that but at the same time it would be very difficult to allow someone into her life and now her children’s lives who appears to just complicate things. But I guess that is what happens in most families, nothing is perfect and it’s not always easy.

Lindsey