The guest speakers from Monday’s class, Steve and Jen, were
great. Because of their relationship, as a birthfather and as a daughter who
had found her birthparents, we were able to learn about the feelings, thoughts,
and experiences from both sides of adoption, from both someone who gave up their
child, and in turn from the child who was then adopted. Also Steve was able to
describe the perspective of the birthfather, which I think is frequently
overlooked to instead focus on the birthmother.
My only experiences with adoption stories as personal as
Steve and Jen’s has come from the reading in class and the sensationalized
perspective of shows like Teen Mom and
16 and Pregnant. These shows focus
primarily on very young parents many of whom are still in high school. I think
Steve comes from an age group that I would not have initially associated with
adoption. In my mind he was an adult when he made the decision to give his
child up for adoption. I had, mistakenly in my limited knowledge on theses
types of situations, somewhat assumed that people I considered adults would
keep their children. However, Steve’s story about leaving school and dealing
with addiction made me realized that there are probably plenty of people out
there that are in a multitude of difficult situations that would make raising a
child difficult. I think that Steve and Jen’s birthmother making the choice to
have another couple adopt her was loving, brave, and incredibly thoughtful.
Steve even admitted that it took him another twelve years to get sober and
stable enough to be a father.
I found that Steve’s story was somewhat similar to the
birthfather stories that we had previously read for class. The commonalities
that I saw were the feelings of regret and shame later in life, and the sense
of closure that the birthfathers found in being reunited with their children. I
know one man from the reading suffered from insomnia until meeting his child (78). I
noticed parallels between this and what Steve had said about feeling that
something was missing in his life until he finally met Jen, and also how
meeting her and making amends with her birthmother had made him feel complete (114). Steve
also mentioned having essentially no rights with regards to searching for Jen
which is something else that many of the birthfathers in the readings had
mentioned as well, which I think calls attention to that issue and it something
that needs to change to improve the adoption process.
--Mary S.
Blog Response 3: Symphony
ReplyDeleteI, too, was moved by hearing Steve and Jen speak about their story. It was surprising to me to learn that Steve was in college and working when he learned of Eileen’s pregnancy. However, he was dealing with alcohol and drug abuse and his relationship with Jen’s birthmother was superficial and brief. I felt that Steve and Eileen did an honorable, smart thing in considering adoption for their child. Steve was able and willing to admit that at that time he was not ready (financially, emotionally, etc.) to raise a child properly. Admitting that is very brave.
Hearing Steve talk about how his search for Jen and eventual reunion with her seemed to fill a hole in himself that he didn’t originally realize existed was pretty tremendous. I cannot imagine the anguish that placing a child for adoption causes, no matter the circumstances or if it is truly the best thing for everyone involved. I agree that steps need to be made to change the influence that the birthfather has and the rights he possesses during and after the adoption process. Perhaps providing more rights and recognition to birthfathers would give men the confidence to step forward and become involved in the adoption process of their child, in turn eradicating the stereotypes of birthfathers that are still prevalent in society today.
-Symphony
Blog post reply 3-Sam D.
ReplyDeleteI relate very much to Mary when it comes to her and my experiences with adoption so I feel like we have somewhat the same perspective. Like Mary said the only experience she has with adoption are shows like teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant. The source of news and information can be very skewed and provide false information or just create new stereotypes. I tend to associate the things that I hear about adoption to these past experiences which can be a bad thing.
Another thing that Mary pointed it out that made me think about was how uncommon it was for men like Steve to even consider let alone put their child up for adoption in that time period. I don't tend to think of people in the 70's and 80's as even thinking about adoption. I associate adoption to be a more modern concept but Steve definitley had challenged that stereotype and has ultimately made the right decision.
Going forward I really liked what Symphony had to say about the steps that need to be taken for birthfathers rights. Rights and recognition to these birthfathers would indeed give the men the confidence and/or decision to step forward and become involved in the adoption process with their child. -Sam D